Should I die, this blog will serve as my son's source of virtual mama.

If I live, I won't have to repeat myself.

sigers writes fiction and nags her son in austin, texas. 

I want you to avoid sex with crazy women.

We girls are warned about men ALL the time. But there are things that no one teaches boys about women. 

I was going to dress this up and make it proper. I was going to refer to the women I’m going to talk about as, “high-spirited.” But I want to make this message clear to you, so I’m going to call it like I see it.

Don’t have sex with crazy women.

Crazy women can be veeeeeery interesting. Passionate. And attractive. And adventurous. In bed. The best two months of sex you ever had. Problem is? They might have your baby. Then you are stuck with them. And passionate turns to “vindictive.” Adventurous turns into “unbalanced.” Attractive turns into “cruel joke.”

Not even good sex will save you then.

Every time you have sex with a woman, she could get pregnant. It doesn’t matter if you use a condom. It doesn’t matter if she says that she’s on the pill. Heck, it don’t matter if you know her doctor, saw the prescription and watched her take the pill every morning. It doesn’t matter if it is CLEAR that neither one of you is in any position to take care of a baby. It doesn’t matter if you have talked about QUICKLY booking a suite at Planned Parenthood, should things go there. It. Doesn’t. Matter. 

Because you have absolutely no real say in the matter. It’s her body. She can have that baby. You can talk all day and cajole and threaten and beg, but if she decides to have that baby? You’re somebody’s father. Period.

There’s a million reasons that a woman will have your kid. The abortion might hurt (never mind birth). They have more religion than they thought. They mama say they gonna give a box of Pampers every month. They are actually okay with having a baby but they just told you what you wanted to hear. They might go ahead and have the baby because they love you or because they hate you. 

The key here, is that you. Have. No. Power. None. She holds ALL the cards. For the next 18 years. A chunk of your money? Goes to the crazy. Maybe it will go to your baby. Maybe it will not. Maybe she will buy a gold waterbed instead.

If I keep it 100, there are probably crazy women in your future. They are impossibly fun for men. But if you must indulge, understand that THE MOST DANGEROUS CRAZY WOMAN IS THE ONE WHO HAS NOTHING TO LOSE.

Beware the one who has nothing on the line, nothing she will have to give up, if she gets pregnant. No aspirations. No job that she loves. No parental expectations to live up to. No desires of her own.

She doesn’t care about anything … except being with you. 

Run for the hills, my love. Run. For. The. Hills.